


A Day in the Life

by SometimesWaverlyDressesLikeAHooker



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 06:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19864825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SometimesWaverlyDressesLikeAHooker/pseuds/SometimesWaverlyDressesLikeAHooker
Summary: An old Willow and Tara I wrote about ten years ago in response to a fic prompt.I did a rewrite, since my skills have improved immeasurably in the interim.  For all my readers who complain at the lack of smut in my writing.  You're in for it.  Most of my Buffy stuff is essentially porn with plot or you know, without...anyway, the fic had to include an inflatable kiddie pool, Jell-O and asparagus.Basically humorous smut and fluffiness





	A Day in the Life

Tara switched off her electric screwdriver, cringing as she heard strains of Duran Duran floating in from the other room. She shook her head, giving her beautiful blue eyes a healthy roll, as she crossed the hall to harass her lover.

“Willow…” she tsked, “Please tell me you’re not watching ‘I Love the 80s’ again…”

“Oops…caught…” the redhead grinned sheepishly, “Sorry…I’ll turn it down…hehe…” she chuckled awkwardly, “Bad girlfriend, Willow…yup…you’re in the bedroom working hard…all with the assemblage and such…and I’m in here being a big ole couch potato…well, maybe not an actual potato…cuz I was actually working…quite recently in fact…yup that’s me…all with the diligence…work work work…so really it’s more of a tater tot situation…”

The other girl sighed deeply, a hand on her shapely hip.

“Did I happen to mention how sexy you look in that tool belt?”

“I will never understand your morbid fascination with that show. You were an infant in the 80s for Gaia’s sake…”

“Well…” the redhead hedged, “I am minoring in Anthropology…think of it as a cultural study.”

“Uh-huh…and when you do those Baywatch marathons, you’re boning up on Oceanography.”

“You said boning,” Willow chuckled.

“You’ve been hanging out with Xander again, haven’t you? For the life of me, I will never be able to understand why someone as brilliant as you are would actually want to watch that mindless crap.”

“I can’t help it, Tare…it’s like a fantasy world.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this…”

“Take a minute and picture the people who were stars in the 80s…DEVO, Cyndi Lauper, Pee-wee Herman for chrissake…being a geek was actually cool…even our idols had horrible fashion sense…I would have fit right in…not something I’ve ever really been good at, you know?”

The blonde witch gave her lover a dubious stare, but couldn’t stop a little smile from playing across her lips.

“Yup…you could be a TOTAL geek then and still be popular…attitude was key…it was all about embracing your geek-infested roots…owning it…say you couldn’t dance for shit…all you had to do was give your pathetic moves some wacky name and it could be the beginning of the next big craze.”

Tara raised both eyebrows, looking at her lover like she’d just grown another head.

“You want examples? OK then…let me see. Can you jump up and down like this?” she got up off the sofa and demonstrated, “Now you’re doing The Pogo!”

Segueing into jerky movements, she asked, “Can you twitch and flail? Then you can do The Seizure!”

The redhead then suddenly dropped to the floor, rolling first in one direction then the other, bumping into furniture and even Tara’s legs, “And even the biggest spaz in the world can do The Tumbleweed!”

Her girlfriend chuckled low in her throat, “You stopped off at The Espresso Pump on your way home didn’t you?”

Willow blushed, abashedly.

“What about the cultural impact of the nascent MTV? Gotta love those early quasi-softcore videos…where else can you see grown women in bikinis writhing in an inflatable kiddie pool filled with lime Jell-O and not get charged for pay-per-view…significant economical impact there, don’t you think?”

“Cultural impact…uh-huh…economics…right,” she shook her head, crossing her arms over her impressive bosom, “When you’re through ogling Jersey-haired silicone depositories, come into the bedroom, OK?”

The redhead murmured “Rut-roh” in a near perfect Scooby-Doo impression, as she watched her lover stalk out of the room. 

Hmmmmmm, her ass looks really hot in those jeans.

Switching off the TV and following her across the hall, Willow leaned seductively against the bedroom door jamb.

“Somebody’s got Plumber’s Butt,” she sing-songed.

“It’s the weight of the tool belt,” Tara huffed, “Live with it.”

“Was I complaining? Did that sound like a complaint to you? I really don’t recall saying it was a bad thing,” she made her way to where her lover knelt on the floor, running her palm over a firm, denim-clad cheek, “How’s the project coming?”

Tara snugged down the final screw and set the power-driver back in its charger, “All done now and it only took me an hour and a half, without help,” she shot her a look, “Remind me not to buy anything else from that place. I swear if they sold you a pen, it would come in a little box…with an Allen wrench.”

“I didn’t even know IKEA sold sex chairs.”

“It’s a massage chair, Will. You know, for after a long, hard day when you come home all tense and sore,” she deadpanned.

“Oh, I bet I could change your mind about that,” the redhead purred, stroking the soft leather of the bench, “What do you say, my sexy little handy-woman…want to take me…I mean it for a drive?” she leaned down and nibbled maddeningly on her lover’s ear, drawing an involuntary moan from the blonde.

“It’s a nice thought, Will,” she sighed, wiping the sweat from her brow with a bandana, “But I think I’m a little tired to do much driving at the moment.”

Trailing a line of tiny kisses down Tara’s neck, she wrapped her in her arms, whispering seductively in her ear.

“How does this sound? You take a nice hot shower…I’ll make you a nice healthy snack…then when you’re feeling all refreshed and refueled,” she rubbed her palms over the blonde’s rapidly hardening nipples, through the taught material of her damp v-neck, “I’ll take you for a ride…”

“I don’t know, Will…although that hot shower sounds like heaven, right about now,” she nipped at her lover’s lower lip, “We’ll see,OK?”

The redhead moved her hand to the place where all the seams of Tara’s jeans met, exerting steady pressure on her lover’s center.

“Did I mention I stopped off at Anya’s on the way home?”

“Really?” Tara brightened, taking hold of her lover’s small ass and squeezing it gently, “What’d you get?”

“If I told you, that would ruin the surprise, now wouldn’t it?” she teased, “But I was watching Sex Talk with Sue Johanson the other night and she gave it four briquets.”

“Ooooooh…maybe I will have that shower after all,” she wiggled her butt exaggeratedly as she headed for the bathroom, “And I wouldn’t mind some wine, cheese and fruit if the offer of room service is still open.”

“It is indeed,” Willow grinned excitedly, “Now get out of those sweaty, yet undeniably sexy clothes and get that cute little butt of yours in the shower.”

“Yes, Ma’am!”

As the blonde lay on the bed in all her naked splendor, munching on sliced apple and brie with crackers, Willow retrieved her purchase from its office hiding place.

“Ta-Dah!” she posed in the doorway, holding up the bag for Tara to see.

“I love Anya and all, but couldn’t she have come up with something…I don’t know…a little more…alluring…to name her sex shop?”

“The Magic Box does lack a certain subtlety.”

“And that logo…don’t even get me started,” she shook her head at the vulva pink bag, “Look at that poor little Fairy Godmother…that is not a safe place for a magic wand!”

“Perhaps a Hitachi Magic Wand?”

“I believe there’s a copyright issue involved there, but still a definite improvement…that is so not safe sex,” she shrugged her shoulders in a Anya-is-a-pervy-nutjob kind of way, “So, what did you buy?”

“What do I get if I tell you?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” she laughed, grabbing her girl by the waist and tackling her to the bed, to tickle her unmercifully, running her tongue up the side of a pale neck, in that vampy way that made Willow crazy.

“Alright…alright…I give…I give…quit…tickling…” she squealed, slapping at the blonde’s tormenting hands, “”You’re gonna make me pee!”

Pulling the item from its bag with a game show hostess flourish, she presented it to her lover, who pulled off the paper, while the redhead explained.

“Well, you know how you said you were getting tired of just playing with Old Blue all the time…”

“She has served us well…I believe she’d earned a peaceful retirement,” the blonde sighed in mock solemnity.

“Well…” the redhead bounced excitedly on her knees, “What do you think?”

“The AsparaGush?”

“I know it seems a little weird at first, but Sue gave it a rave review,” she read from the enclosed paper, “Sex and asparagus generally go together like peanut butter and caviar…it’s hard to go down on your lover when you’re wearing noseplugs…” Tara giggled, supressing her gag reflex, “But here’s a succulent spear for that vixeny vegan in your life…no need for hollandaise with this stocky stalk…she’ll make her own sauce…guaranteed…this one’s a winner!”

“You ever wonder why all the sex experts are old ladies? Experience I imagine…anyway, you can’t argue with a review like that.”

“That’s what I thought…plus, vixeny vegan…that’s you all over…so technically you’re lacto/ovo…but, you know…that’s OK too…it’s a valid choice…non-meat-eating-wise.”

When she paused for breath, Tara took the opportunity to kiss her deeply, effectively stopping the babble, for the moment anyway.

“Mmmmmm…TaraLips…Oh…I almost forgot to tell you! The little leaves are all bumpy and stick out…so there’s all this sexy textureyness for extra yummies!”

“You’re all the yummies I need, lover,” Tara purred, flipping the redhead on her back and effectively silencing her ever whirring mind, with a series of very thorough kisses.

“Oh my…” Willow gasped, when they finally came up for air, “I knew you liked asparagus, but…wow…”

“Anyway…I seem to recall someone saying they were going to change my mind about a certain piece of furniture…”

“Yes, please,” the redhead perked, arching to press her breast more fully into an insistent hand.

“Well, what are you waiting for…you go strap on The Little Green Sprout, there and I’ll get a towel to put on the bench…wouldn’t want that expensive leather upholstery getting all wet, now would we?”

Little Green Sprout, huh? We’ll see about that…

Willow returned from giving the new toy a thorough and proper washing, to find her beloved posed seductively on their newest piece of bedroom furniture, the back, seat and her legs, angled in a most fortuitous position.

Hell, yeah!

The redhead’s mouth, among other things, instantly began to water.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” she half-whispered, awestruck.

Tara looked up into expressive green eyes, running her nails teasingly down her lover’s lightly muscled torso, a move which never failed to raise goosebumps on her pale skin...and promptly burst into a fit of raucous laughter.

“What?” her partner queried, striking a saucy pose, her hand on her hip.

Of course, that only served to make the bright green phallus, protruding from her loins, bob up and down, sending Tara into further paroxysms of hysterics. Try as she might to speak, the blonde could only gasp for breath, tears running down her reddened cheeks.

“Tara!” that legendary redheaded temper was starting to flare, her foot tapping faster and faster, which only made matters worse, “Fine! If you don’t want to play…” she pouted.

“Willow…baby…no…I’m sorry…ooooh…hehe…gasp…damn…” she wiped tears from her face, “It’s just…well…oh…ha…you know I love you, baby…please don’t be mad…but…but…”

“But what?”

“But then I saw you and…” she tried desperately to stifle a giggle, failing miserably.

“Yeah…very funny…I got this for you, ya know!”

Tara pulled her lover into her lap, stroking her fiery red mane, “Oh, baby…I’m so sorry…I really do appreciate it…I swear…please…don’t think for a minute that I don’t want to play,” she took Willow’s hand, placing it on damp golden curls, “See…that’s all for you…always…it’s just…well…I saw you standing there…with your hands on your hips and…”

“And what?” she wasn’t letting her off that easy. She needed to be persuaded out of this pout, multiply persuaded even.

“Well…the truth…all I could think of was HO HO HO…” the blonde did an impression of the vegetable pitchman, bursting into fresh laughter.

“Very funny,” Willow made a show of crossing her arms over her pert breasts, but made no effort to move from the soft lap. It was all part of the dance.

“Hey, at least I didn’t make any comments about your niblets.”

“And that’s why you’re still alive,” the redhead turned away from her, while at the same time leaning back into her soft breasts and…whoa…very hard nipples.

“I’m sorry, baby…you know my quirky sense of humor…there must be some way I can make it up to you,” she purred, nibbling at her favorite freckle.

“Perhaps…whaddya got?”

“Um…I could wash your car…”

“Nope.”

“Funny shaped pancakes?”

“You made those this morning.”

‘Hmmmmm…let me see…I could ride you at a gallop until your eyes roll back in your head and you come so hard that you can’t stop shaking for an hour?” 

“Ding ding ding…ladies and…well, ladies…we have a winner!”

“Ooooh,” Tara bounced up and down, “What did I win?”

“Switch places with me and I’ll show you,” Willow growled salaciously, sliding off her lover’s lap. 

The redhead slid back on the inclined seat, Tara straddling a firm thigh and wiggling, smearing her wet heat along her lover’s sensitive flesh.

“I love you, my little Horny Green Giant…I love that we can laugh like this…” the goddess smiled her crooked smile, causing a little green heart to beat faster.

“And I love you, my ho ho Ho,” she nipped at her lower lip, “Hey!”

Willow felt a solid slap on her bum.

“By the way, baby…little giant is an oxymoro…”

It was hard to finish the sentence with Tara’s tongue thrusting into her mouth. In no time at all the kiss escalated, becoming wild and voracious, the blonde’s humid center grinding against the toy in cadence with the rhythm of her questing tongue. 

Willow’s hands slid from their position on her baby’s hips, to underneath her luscious ass, lifting her and guiding the asparagus tip to her entrance.

With a shiver and a sharp intake of breath, Tara slid down all at once, taking the full length of it inside her, so wet that there was hardly any friction at all. Lubrication wasn’t going to be an issue.

The redhead held her there, her hands on her love’s hips, their pelvises flush together, grinding against her in maddeningly small circles.

“Oh God…Willlow…mmmmmmm…fuck me…please!”

“Like this?” the redhead teased, thrusting ever so gently, with short strokes, peppering Tara’s neck with tender kisses.

“Aaarrrgghhhh…noooo…” she kissed her lover, commandingly, “Like this!” 

Tara rose up slowly, until Willow was barely inside her at all, before dropping down hard and fast, a shiver running up her spine.

“Mmmppppfffff,” the redhead groaned into a mouthful of breast, as her lover’s full weight pressed the base of the asparagus hard against her clit.

Hell, yes!

Willow thrust up into her hot blonde matching her pace and intensity, with a somehow gentle brand of force, sucking and biting at the breasts so temptingly displayed before her hungry eyes, her moans muted by the supple flesh, as Tara dug her fingernails hard into her redhead’s shoulders…head thrown back…gasping for air…calling out to every deity she could remember.

“Oh God, yes…baby…so good…so so good…harder, baby…faster…uh-huh…oooo right there…just like that…mmmmmmmmm…Willow…oh God…that’s amazing….I love…oh Will…so…I’m gonna….Ooooooooooooooohhhh!”

Tara came like it had been ripped out of her.

A pleasure so complete, it was almost painful, leaving her shaking, boneless and thoroughly undone, too spent to do anything but try to remember to breathe and melt into Willow, as she continued to thrust into her, slowly and gently, drawing out the aftershocks and biting her neck in that one spot behind her ear, that never failed to make her come again, no matter how worn out she might be, then kissing her plush lips, with loving intensity.

Once she’d come back to herself again, the blonde deepened the kiss, changing it materially, making it hungry and feral. Taking her lover fully inside her again, she held her there with the full weight of her intention and strength of her purpose. Tara ground hard against the redhead’s clit, moving her hips in a smooth figure eight and squeezing small pink nipples mercilessly between her fingers.

It wasn’t long before Willow fell screaming over the edge, her lover’s name on her lips, her eyes rolled back so far that she could see her own brain and gasping for oxygen like her lungs had disappeared entirely. 

When she regained the ability to function as a human once more, she found herself cradled in her lover’s soft, strong arms, pillowed against her lush breasts, trembling like a small, frightened animal.

Her little green friend had been removed without her even noticing.

“Welcome back, baby,” Tara grinned, kissing the tip of a freckled nose.

“Uh…hi…who were you again?” the redhead teased.

“Very funny, Rosenberg,” the blue-eyed beauty kissed her sweetly, too tired to do much else, “God, I love you…”

“Me too, darlin…with all my heart…all my soul…” Willow barely whispered, still hoarse and oxygen deprived.

“Mmmmmmmm…”she concurred, a half-smile on her full lips.

“So…uh…Tare?”

“Uh-huh, baby?” she pushed damp hair back off her lover’s forehead.

“Tell me, Madam…how did you enjoy your asparagus?”

“Oh, it was lovely…very fresh…or was that you?” she teased, nibbling at a still jumping pulse point.

“Mmmmm…that’s nice…but I have one more question for you…”

“Yes?”

“If you weren’t planning on using this “massage chair” for other purposes…why do we suddenly own ultra-thick towels that just happen to match the upholstery, hmmmmm?”

Tara blushed and giggled, “Busted…”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally appeared on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Willow and Tara site The Kitten The Witches and the Bad Wardrobe. I plan to rewrite all of my old fics from the Kittenboard and repost here. one is even 28 chapters
> 
> incidentally, the Kittenboard is where I met my wife :-)


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